jpmurad

Nodding off from Mystery

In Wise Eyes on July 2, 2008 at 12:42 am

Today’s task to write brought me to Stanton.  I was surprised by how quickly I nodded off.  My alertness quickly deteriorated to daydreaming with my eyes closed.  Daydreaming slipped off to actual dreaming.  I could not help but think of the disciples falling asleep in the garden.

I have become bored with attentive, listening prayer.  My mind wanders and I fall fast asleep.  Perhaps like the disciples, I want to see some results.  I want evidence that God is who he says he is.  I want God to give me what I need to write.  It is a much more difficult and patient task to live in the mystery of what He will provide.

In many ways, I demand instant gratification in my life.  I want God to speak now.  I want answers to questions now.  It is much more difficult to live without answers; to trust, to rely, to believe without seeing.  And that is what is being required of me.  To listen without the accompaniment of my eyesight.  To hear with my ears.  To have ears to hear.  Perhaps they are not ready to hear.

Each day that I go to the streets, I gain confidence.  I have experience.  And yet, I have more questions.  I have more mysteries to search out.  It seems to be an invitation to a different life; a different way of living.

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