On some lines of Coldplay

In Eclipse on August 6, 2008 at 11:50 am

I grabbed my shades from my car and began walking through the parking lot away from the building.  I needed a break from the ‘doings’ of my business.  I manage our office by purchasing supplies, settling Excel difficulties and writing communications.  My mind wandered to the Compliance Analyst role for which I could apply.  I had no desire to be a referee for company policy, but it would give me a new environment, new responsibilities and a new salary.

Quickly my mind recoiled at the thought.  How was that any different from ‘meeting my own’ needs?  Not that ‘waiting on God’ was the solution for every situation, but I have a tendency to choose my own action before patient suffering.  It has been suffering.  To continually be at the mercy of a job; because, it provided a good income or ‘career advancement’. rather than my action being a servant of desire.  I have not chosen with my will, but rather I have settled for those jobs that have come along.

I would call this paradox.  I choose to take action in my career by ‘making the openings’ happen; however, in the way I have chosen, I feel controlled by the job.  Ironic…that my ‘taking control’ of the situation could ultimately end with an inner helplessness.  This situation reminds me of some Coldplay lyrics from the song Fix You: “When you get what you want, but not what you need… could it be worse?”  I wonder what the cost would be if I continue to make decisions out of convenience, rather than conviction or desire.  Could it be worse?

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