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Archive for September, 2008|Monthly archive page

Moving the Rock

In Wise Eyes on September 29, 2008 at 6:45 am

The beginning of another work week and the end of a weekend.  I am reminded of the REI application that I picked up on Saturday.  With those three applications, go the hope of shifting out of the corporate structure and into a new life with writing.  Today, I have 40 workdays remaining at my current job.  This will put me past my two-year deadline, which will add the company’s part to my retirement.

Perhaps leaving with a bit of the company’s blessing on our retirement will somewhat redeem the experience.  Working in this job has been entirely trying; from dealing with difficult co-workers, to searching out possible career paths, to mourning over my own lack of passion in my job.  I would miss the mark if I did not mention that it has definitely shaped me.

These three frustrations (difficult co-workers, uncertain career, and lack of passion) have all created shifts in me.  With difficult coworkers, I have learned how I want to engage people; what experience I hope to create; regardless of their attitude or behavior toward me.  As I have searched out schooling and other means of developing my career, I have hit barriers.  School was an option, but not preferrable.  I wanted the authority to write.  For whose permission had I been waiting?  Lastly, I have found that passion comes at the price of risk, resistance and failure.  To engage passion means I will fail (hopefully gloriously), I will meet resistance, and I will have to risk.  But, knowing what I know now, I would choose no other way of living.

Heroes Come Lately

In Faintly Fiction on September 25, 2008 at 8:53 am

Nothing like a few days break to remind me of resistance.  Frankly, I have not wanted to get into the chair.  It was as if I was holding the task of writing at a distance, looking at it like some neglected child.  Moving on…

Last night, a casual ride with a friend turned into a 35 mile bike ride.  First, I rode to his apartment.  I think he was expecting a beach cruiser.  He got the Whitiger complete with helmet and spandex!  I had a fun ride around back bay with him.  I was excited to hear about a breakthrough he was having in his career.  It is great to see him make headway after months of applications, interviews and failed attempts.  Failing gloriously!  No better way to do it, I guess…and then, to prevail. Read the rest of this entry »

Work in Progress

In Speaking into the Silence on September 22, 2008 at 6:49 am

Often on Monday’s I feel compelled to review the activities of the weekend.  Ours started out with a show in San Clemente at the Coachhouse.  Lindsay and I got to see a buddy debut his new album in front of a couple hundred people.  I enjoyed seeing him step out with his art.

Our Saturday consisted of many busyings to prepare for Sunday, which was reserved entirely for rest.  Among other things, I played a round of frisbee golf with a friend.  We were confronted with a fee as we began the course.  Apparently, they charge $2 per person on weekends and $1 on week nights through the city of Huntington Beach.  We were both leary of the fee, but paid it to get on with our game.

I completed a couple of house projects including replacing the tracks on our sliding closet doors and hanging a shelf, which I had hung crooked to begin with.  It looked fine to me before.  Now, it looks more fine.  Our Saturday busyings also included restocking our cupboards, which had become chaotic.  After our Yosemite roadtrip, items had been repeatedly stuffed in.  There remained no access to critical snacks and cooking ingredients.  We finished our long day with a 9 o’clock trip to the grocery store. Read the rest of this entry »

Into the Wild Woods

In Onward on September 18, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Continuing to push forward in my dreams of writing, I am met with resistance.  This is not overt resistance in the form of rejected writing or writer’s block.  I am met with resistance in the forms of busyness and diversion.  My intensity by corporate-day has mounted because I have an end date in mind.  I pour my energy into daily busyings and people investments.  I have been developing two very similar teams of people.  While I enjoy the role of servant leadership, I am taking bold moves and risks in the way I engage people.

At home, I juggle rejuvinating workouts with house fixes and writing goals.  Today, I forced myself to put a house project on hold, so that I could relax by taking a run around Central park (yes…this is how I relax) and then finished the last chapters of  Dugards “Surviving the Toughest Race on Earth”.  I have taken comfort in the association; Dugard chronicles his leaving the corporate realm in pursuit of his writing dreams.  He becomes swept up in the world of adventure writing as he covers endurance competitions all over the world.

Stepping out into the ‘wild woods’ of freelance writing, I could not thing of a more satisfying or demanding pursuit (for me).  At this point, chasing after ‘higher education’ would feel predictable…even relegating.  The uncertainty of freelance writing beckons me forward.  I am drawn to the unknown, the uncharted, the creative.

Life and Times after Breakingthrough

In Onward on September 17, 2008 at 6:42 am

After the four day seminar, I came back home dancing!  I had rediscovered freedom in my career and relationships.  I went through the experiencial training with 22 other participants and about ten team members.  We shared a story together.  It was like taking a cross-country road trip together.  We saw each other without our guards, without our masks, and without our makeup (metaphorically speaking, of course).  Our time together came to an end.  It was so impacted that the last couple of days I just wanted to stay there…in the seminar experience.

Going back to work, I realized that I was giving my boss more than he bargained for with my account of the weekend.  I shared the experiences and insights with great animation.  However, wanting to preserve the potency of my words, I am inclined to be more reserved about the experience; like a deep well, whose water must be drawn out.

I find myself fighting.  This weekend was bigger than some mere set of principles to be relayed to others; a forty second sales pitch.  It was a depthful experience that displayed through my living, but not described.  In my urgency, I would demand ‘serenity now’ or ‘peace with everyone now’.  But, the greater work I have to do involves giving.  Giving with my actions.  I display the revolution by being a friend when it is not comfortable.  The colors of my revolution are creativity and patience.  The results of this revolution are displayed in those around.  Am I giving deeper connection, authenticity and service?

Long have my companions waited to see this change.  Many have been astounded by the difference.  Creating this book is an act of persistence.  May it be a source of courage to those closest.  At work, I have been loosing my hold of responsibilities; places I have staked claim for my own security.  Rather, I am extending these duties to others as possibilities for their growth.  Whereas before I held onto them tightly, now I am free to receive the new opportunities!  Already my generosity with supplies has been turning some heads.  Also, my desk has acquired new visuals, pictures and projects.  There is life and freedom at work too.