jpmurad

Paper Jam

In Speaking into the Silence on December 17, 2008 at 1:57 pm

About ten minutes ago, I was jamming some scissors down the paper cutter trying to clear the jam.  I had tried (as usual) to put a thick stack of down the paper shredder.  Apparently, it doesn’t like to eat all the paper at once.  Upon selecting my only other option (reverse), the engine came to a stand still.  In fact, it no longer makes the whirring sound then the motor is spinning.  Complete jam – I’m awarding you no points and may…I digress.

The scissors seemed the best alternative for plying out the pre-mulched kinks.  Then, my own ‘independence’ caught up with me.  It was like I was on auto pilot.  Tell me again, Father, what my life is like.  The creative process requires self-discipline…strangely enough.  I would tend to associate creativity with randomness, spontaneity, and a lack of structure.  But, on the contrary, creating art requires immense discipline (for me).   That is, it requires the discipline of my time, my energy, my mind, and at times, my finances.  I must be willing to ‘get in the chair’ everyday (as my distiguished colleague, Mr. Dugard, made me aware).

Today’s paper jam was a distraction, an inconvenience, an interruption to the routine I had set.  I have to be willing to let the papers remain unshredded (in the meantime) to focus on my writing.  Why, you might say, do the papers need to be shredded?  Well, currently, they are covering the floor in our spare room, my writing room.  I am responsible to dispose of them by the end of the day.

So, I am choosing to allow chaos in order to create structure.  (paradoxical, me thinks–I  sound like a cross between Shakespeare and Yoda)  I suppose I have to give up one kind of structure in my life (orderliness of room) in order to attain what I want most (orderliness of creativity, passion and, more directly, of writing).

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