Marathon Momento – Without Regret

In Eclipse on November 13, 2009 at 9:33 am

It’s been almost a month since I ran my first marathon in Chicago.  My knees reminded me this morning as they ached in a chilly New Hampshire morning.  I remember vividly being at mile 20 in Chicago.  I had the distinct impulse to kick out my legs, pushing myself in the moment farther than I thought I could go.  The notion was in between an aspiration and a haunting.

Have you ever looked back at an event in your life and wished you had given more?  I think back to some of my college soccer performances.  Sometimes before a game I would get a notion in my head (i.e. the coach is going to yell at me, exposing me in front of the team…or I will be a disappointment to my teammates…or this other team is vicious, they’ll probably kick me from behind, injuring me seriously).  So, I took this notion and play the game.  Can you imagine how I performed?  How do you think I participated on behalf of my team when fixed on the belief that I would disappoint them?

To say that these conversations always got the best of me would be an overstatement.  However, many games would go by and I would not even realize that I was hiding on the field until afterward.  I was hiding from the possibility of being injured, embarrassed or simply failing.  The haunting.

As I ran the last six miles of the race in Chicago, I was keenly aware of past haunting.  Looking back at past investments in running was no use to me.  All I had was the six miles ahead.  How did I want to remember them?  How much was I willing to give each moment?  It is easy to determine to give everything.  But, there are also ways that I can betray that sense.  Busyness, lack of focus…you get the picture!

It is great to have a meal and rest after a hard workout.  Dr. David Livingstone, the famous British explorer, once said, “Only a person who has known extreme physical exertion, can truly appreciate moments of repose.”  I am satisfied with how I participated in Chicago.  It makes me wonder how I can give myself more fully to each pursuit.  Yesterday is gone…the glory days as Springsteen would call them.  The future is unwritten…as Natasha Bedingfield sings.  “Letting go of all I held onto,” sang Lifehouse, “I’m hanging by a moment here with you.  There is nothing else.”

  1. I must agree with Dr. Livingstone. The onion bagel with cream cheese that I had after my 10 mile run this morning was the best I have ever had!

    But beyond that, thanks for sharing this, Love. You are a courageous man and I like seeing you step out in boldness and confidence.

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